At a press conference later this afternoon, rapidly growing budget store Ridgeley Mini Market are expected to announce that in the wake of the horsemeat scandal they will only be stocking British corpses.
Spokesbelmer Penny Wise said “From March 1st we will ensure that all chicken, and possibly pork cadavers will be sourced from within the UK or affiliated countries within a 500km radius.”
Some disgusting foreign meat, as ingested by our continental neigh-bours. Geddit!! (Source – Wikipedia)
Ridgeley Mini market, along with Tesco, Tesco, Tesco and a whole host of other vowel deficient supermarkets like MiDL saw share prices tumble faster than a nag at Beecher’s Brook after DNA tests revealed that up to 60% of meat labelled as “Beef-style” was actually “Equine-eque”. Mercifully, pork and chicken products were unaffected.
Wise also said “a growing number of our customers have recently stopped to look at the horrors they have been ingesting and are 32% more likely to continue to do so in the run up to the Easter distraction. We will continue to work quite closely with the people who have made us one of the most profitable retailers on the Bystreet as otherwise we won’t have anything to sell.
I mean, it’s not like meat grows on trees or something. Unless you can eat pigeons. Or a nice fat owl?”